Monday, August 26, 2013

sleep disorder

I love sleep. I mean...I LOVE SLEEP! I love sleeping so much that it has become an unhealthy fetish. The only problem is that I am also terrible at sleeping. I often lack the talent to do normal everyday things that most people do easily.

First, I have terrible insomnia. I always have and probably always will. I remember just laying awake in my room as a child, wishing that sleep would come. My mother likes to tell me that she would get up for water at four in the morning and she would peak in my room to find me sitting in my room, in the dark, staring out the window. I was a creepy child.

My insomnia isn't just relegated to the inability to fall asleep. I also have problems staying asleep. Often I will fall asleep and wake up two hours later. In fact, typically when I nap it is ALWAYS in two hour intervals. Something about my mind is like, two hours...YOU HAVE SLEPT ENOUGH!

Then, there is the sleepwalking. I often wake up in different rooms. I wake up already sitting up in bed. I will wake up with mystery bruises all over my legs. I often like to retrieve beverages in my sleep. I once refolded laundry (albeit very badly) in my sleep. When I get over-heated in my sleep, I disrobe. Which has caused drama during innocent sleepovers. People can have entire conversations with me in my sleep and I will do everything to end the conversation. It's like sleep auto pilot.

Now, let's move on to the lucid dreaming and nightmares. The first dream I ever remember having was a nightmare. I was maybe seven years old? In the dream, I was walking down a road on a foggy day. Eventually, I saw an old woman standing next to a cart and a cow. She had that, "ancient-scary-gypsy-witch" look to her. I approached her without fear. She asked me, "Do you want to see REAL magic?" Me being me, I nodded eagerly. She told me to look at the cow and when I did, I noticed that the cows eyes were sewn shut. Suddenly, my soul was trapped in the cows body and the cow's soul was walking around in my body.

This dream has stuck with me. It traumatized me as a child. It is baffling to me that I would have this dream and the litany of nightmares that followed. I never watched television. I rarely was allowed to go see a movie. So, why was my mind so disturbed at such a young age?

Here is where it gets really strange. By the time I was a teenager, I craved my nightmares. They were fascinating. They were different. They were interesting. Something about the fact that I enjoy nightmares still makes me feel, embarrassed.

Today, I don't really have nightmares anymore. Now, I just lucid dream. The strange thing is that; I cannot...NOT lucid dream. It is like I forgot how to be completely unconscious. Who does that?

I had a sleep study done and besides snoring, I was told everything is "normal". Clearly, not! I suspect that my mind was like, "Act normal, don't do anything weird, there are doctors afoot." This seems like the most logical explanation.

Right now? I need another nap, and some wicked dreams.

1 comment:

  1. At the beginning of this post I thought I was going to be able to really relate to it. I also have terrible insomnia, but I must say, my sleep troubles are nothing compared to this! I'm so intrigued by the ways in which our minds and bodies act while we are unconscious. I hope that you'll share more of your dreams with us at some point!

    x Sarah