Thursday, March 27, 2014


I am happy.

I have always been happy. Even in the darkest pits of hell; I have been happy. No, not like maniac happy. Not that "ridiculous grinning like a mad-hatter happiness". True happiness.

And what the hell does that mean? True happiness?

Happiness is wealth and by wealth...I mean, all satiable needs have been met. Did you notice the word "needs"? That's key. I think to be able to have wealth you need to be able to distinguish between "need" and "want". Not that monetary wealth isn't nice. It is. Makes certain things less stressful.

Happiness is love. You know all that Oprah, self-love, affirmation stuff. That's a part of it. Loving is a way that provides yourself and thereby all things around you the love. When you are filled with this kind of love it just creates a state of happiness that blooms from you inherently. Oh yeah and general compassion, blah blah blah.

Happiness is the ability to live once removed. We all know that when others treat you like shit and the world is destroying itself, it is difficult to be happy. When your boss yells at you or your girlfriend is a complete cunt...How do you handle that? Scream? Fight? Passive aggressiveness? My usual response is to accept it for what it is and move on. It is really irrelevant to have someone cut you off on the interstate. In the grand scheme things, that tiny blip -- that one human lifetime seems pretty ridiculous. So why lash out as if the all of existence is going to wipe out that "bad driver". Pointless.

Happiness is expression. We have this amazing capacity to create and inspire the world around us. So even when a person is down, expression through; art, music, laughter, whatever...has the ability to "grow happiness." That's real magic.

Honestly, I could keep going on. But, I think I made my point.

The sad part is, I know my fair share of depressed people. Clinically and otherwise. It's a damn epidemic if you ask me. Which you didn't so

...I'll go back to being happy and whatever.

Sunday, March 23, 2014


I have been waiting impatiently for my hair to get long enough for hairstyles that don't require tons of time. I have been eyeballing this hairdo forever and finally I have success. Now, I can tromp around and look like a real touch girl.

Monday, March 17, 2014

one of my tattoos

In my last post, one of my tattoos is visible. Someone asked what my tattoo said...

The simple answer? Ö-pa-me or od dpag med in Tibetan script. It means Infinite Light and is often used as the terminology for The Buddha of Infinite light a.k.a Amitābha a.k.a. The Red Buddha. a.k.a The Buddha of the Western Pure Land.

My tattoo story goes like this. When I was a child I'd imagine a light in me and outside of me. It was always there and I thought of it as somewhere in between an imaginary friend and the true image of my soul. I was in high school when I decided that my first tattoo would be the words "infinite light" to connect me to that side of my existence. The only problem was getting it in English seemed wrong. So I promised myself that I would get it in whatever language I happened upon that seemed appropriate.

When I saw Tibetan script as a mantra for the first time, I knew it had to be that script but at the time there wasn't a lot places I could go to make sure I didn't get the word POTATO tattooed to me. So I waited an scoured the internet.

Once day, I happened on a man named Tashi Mannox. He is an Englishman that became a monk and studied Tibetan calligraphy under a Tibetan master. At the time he wasn't very well known except with in the Tibetan Buddhist community. Now, he is quiet successful in his art. I contacted him and received a personalized calligraphy from him, with the understanding that I would have it as a tattoo.


I get a lot of comments on the tattoo. A lot of questions. Most the time people assume it's script from the Lord of the Rings. Which I find amusing. 

But, the longer I have it, it seems the deeper the meaning evolves for me. First, I'd like to say that infinite light is something I see as a part of my soul and like a conscious. A Jiminy Cricket if you will. I got the tattoo predominately on my neck to the right side because I saw it as something protective, that could whisper knowledge in my ear. That may sound esoteric but it was a vague thought. Another reason I chose it to be so visible is that it is believed that the Tibetan script is sacred and can bless anyone who sees it. One of the interesting things about the Buddha of Infinite Light is that this Buddha is said to have made a promise. That if you remember his name you will be reborn in the Pure Land, which could be compared to a kind of heaven, In theory, just by having the tattoo perhaps I am sending the gift of heaven to anyone who sees it. 

There is a lot more little things that surround the tattoo, but you get the idea.

Here is a old close up of it.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

another hair color

After waiting a year to be able to order a restock of Special Effects hair dye, I finally got to order one of the colors I use. I purchased the color Blue Haired Freak and was happy to dye my hair immediately. I mixed it with Deep Purple and a ton of conditioner to create this pastely purple denim color. Now, all I have to do is wait until I can reorder the Fishbowl color and I will be set for another year.

Get it together Special Effects! You are my favorite hair color provider!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

oil slick iridescent

I find it beautiful when oil means water. The colors are amazing. All that opalescent peacock coloring. I wish it wasn't terrible for the environment.But I still think it's gorgeous.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

the thrift store

I have an enduring love for thrift stores. I think it was bred into my family line. My grandmother took my mother to the thrift stores. My mother, in turn. took me. Not that she had much of a choice. I grew up ridiculously poor. One step away from homeless poor to give you an idea.

I have long since surpassed the need to shop second hand. But, now when I go to a regular store I have a hard time. I am usually annoyed by the terrible music playing over my head. Then, I am displeased with the people asking me if I need help. Note to my audience: Do not hold out your arms and flail saying I demand to be dressed. It gains an odd reaction. Then, there is all the superfluous retail decor. How does one shop this way?

For myself, I like the hunt. Walking through the bare-bones mixed aisle of the thrift store. Running my hands over all the items; each having their own history. I become a predator. An eagle for hand-me-downs.

I will adopt you, sweater. I will take you home and love you the way you should be loved. You don't have to hang on this rack, with all these other ugly sweaters. You can tell me your stories and keep me warm. We will be symbiotic. We will be master and servant  We will bond.

Okay. Maybe that is a little extreme but this is what happens inside my head.

So, imagine my surprise when just the other day I was speaking to someone and they told me they don't like thrift stores and would never shop at them.

"Why don't you like them?" I asked with a degree of self indulgent curiosity.

"The clothes smell."

I laughed and made a judgmental expression "You wash the clothes before you wear them and if something smells that awful, don't buy it."

"Well, it's just gross. I prefer shopping at regular stores where the clothes are clean."

I sighed and smiled my usual mischievous grin "You do realize that the clothes that you buy from the store are most likely full of more chemicals and toxins than most clothes at the thrift store?"

"I like chemicals."

And that, my friends, is when I ended the conversation. That night, I went straight to the thrift store as an act of pure rebellion and maybe a little self reassurance.

I know. chemicals make up a lot of things. I mean chemical reactions create much of the processes that are required to live. But I am pretty sure she meant that she likes the smell of polyester and plastic. 

To conclude my little rant, I will post Thrift Store by Macklemore. Not because I am a huge Macklemore fan. But, if I were a male hip hop artist, I would have probably made this song myself but with less "big cock" and more melodic harmony.