Thursday, November 20, 2014

i hate acronyms

Hate may be a strong word.

Revision: I strongly dislike acronyms (and initialisms for those that know the distinction)

They are a plague on my literal mind. Every time I see them, via text or in my email, my mind grinds to a halt. JK? LOL? YOLO? Why are there so many and why do we use them so much?

My first experience with "not understanding acronyms" was in sixth grade. I remember it like it was yesterday. A friend of mine gave me a picture of her marked on the back with her phone number and the letters KIT. I was baffled. KIT? Was that a nickname? A code of some sort? Did she hand me something that actually belonged to this Kit person? Later, (and after much nagging) she informed me it meant "keep in touch". I could see in her eyes that she regretted that message because of my obvious lameness.

My second experience was during the heyday of AOL. The irony of AOL being an acronym for America Online does not evade me. Anyway, I was in some some chat room and a person keep tying LMFAO. Which, to my embarrassment, I thought was some sort of slang term for about llamas. You can imagine my confusion.

At least it wasn't ROFL (I pronounce this like waffle) which hits my top ten of most hated acronyms. You are rolling on the floor laughing? Really? I think not. You may be remotely amused. Even smiling. But you are not ROFLing.

So, I have taken to responding to acronyms by inserting my own meaning and responding to that.

Example:

Them - "I've been in a LTR for so long IDK what to do."

Me - "My God! You've been in a live trampoline riot!? I don't know what that is but invite me next time! Also, I Donkey Kong too. No worries. "

Thursday, November 13, 2014

vegetarian holiday

It's almost Thanksgiving and I am figuring out what I want to do for the holiday. We aren't traveling this holiday so we will be laying around the house like a bunch of bums. The fun part is figuring out what I'm making this holiday, as this will be our first vegetarian holiday. Not vegan yet, sorry.

I have collected some recipes together and made some adjustments.

My main dish will be Seitan Roast with Old Fashioned Stuffing.

I am borrowing the seitan part of this recipe from Keepinitkind.com. Then, I am changing the recipe to make the roast into a stuffed roll. The stuffing is also a grabbed from a Campbell Soup Recipe Book. Random, but I wanted a similar taste to the flavor I got from using giblets and I have used this recipe before when lazy.

Photo Courtesy: IsaChandra (Theppk.com)

 



Seitan Roast


Wet Ingredients

2 cups crimini mushrooms, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 2/3 cups vegetable broth
3 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tsp liquid smoke

Dry Ingredients

2 cups vital wheat gluten flour
2/3 cup chickpea flour
½ cup nutritional yeast
2 teaspoons onion powder
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon dried sage
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt

Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 375F, and prepare a baking sheet by lining it with parchment paper or a silicone mat.
  2. In a large bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients. Set aside.
  3. In the bowl of a food processor, pulse the garlic cloves a few times and then add the mushrooms. Pulse until the mushrooms are in small pieces, no bigger than ¼ inch long/wide. Pour the mushrooms and garlic into a small bowl and add the other liquid ingredients. Mix to combine.
  4. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and use a wooden spoon to mix them together as much as possible. Once you can no longer use your spoon, use your hands to knead the dough until it comes together into a ball.
  5. Set out 2 pieces of aluminum foil, each about 16-18 inches long. Lay them out so that one overlaps the other, horizontally, by about 5-6 inches. Lightly spray the aluminum foil with olive oil spray.
  6. Roll the seitan out into a square on the foil, about ½" thick if possible. It may be thicker than that in spots.
  7. Pile the stuffing into a wide line the center of the seitan, and press it down slightly to compact it. Carefully fold the seitan over the stuffing and pinch together the ends and seam.
  8. Using the foil, turn the roast into a huge "Candy" by rolling it length-wise then grabbing the loose foil and twisting it until tight. Be careful not to tear the foil.
  9. Place your roast onto the baking sheet and bake it for 50-55 minutes, turning it 90º every 15 minutes. The roast should be slightly firm.
  10. Take it out of the oven and unwrap the foil, halfway, making sure not to tear the roast. Bake it for an additional 10 minutes, or until golden brown on top. Let cool for 15 minutes before serving.
  11. Serve with a side of gravy or vegetable broth, to add more moisture.

Old Fashioned Stuffing


1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
1 tablespoon McCormick's poultry seasoning
1/2 teaspoon pepper
4 tablespoons butter (I use Organic Earth Balance Spread)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 can (10 3/4 oz) condensed cream of mushroom soup (or make your own cashew cream of mushroom soup)
1/2 cup dried cranberries (optional)
8 cups dry bread cubes (I used bread that I made)

Instructions

  1. In skillet, cook celery and onion in butter.
  2. Add soup, blend well and set aside.
  3. Cube bread and season evenly with salt, pepper, poultry seasoning, and cranberries.
  4. Combine wet and dry mixtures by folding ingredients.
My side dishes are as follows and taken from various recipes around the internet. I have made minor adjustments to each recipe for health reasons. I don't feel the need to share those but you can make any adjustments at will.

Swiss Chard Gratin (Be sure to use non animal rennet Parmesan.)
Sweet Potato Mallow (Use vegan marshmallows and be prepared for them to melt slower)

Saturday, November 1, 2014

i'm not homeless, i'm just awesome


I'm not homless, I'm just awesome by definelulu

Everybody knows I dress in two distinct fashions. One being various levels of greys, blacks, and browns, layered to give me an almost apocalyptic look. OR many levels of clashing, with patterns and colors that shouldn't go together. So, that is what this collection is for. My current autumn clashing interests, which focus on hideous faux coats and loud sequins skirts.